i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
