i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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