Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
