Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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