Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
