I'm so fucking centered right now
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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