There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
