just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
