after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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