Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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