True but thats because hes a fetus.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
