You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
