omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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