So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
