i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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