Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
