We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
