you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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