Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
