i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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