she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
