He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
