I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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