i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Vodka?
Forever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
