he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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