I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
