I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
