You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
