I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
