woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
