I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
