The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
