I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
