I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
