Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
