I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
