Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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