We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
