Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
