walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
be right there i have to get my cape
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
