I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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