Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Actions speak louder than pants.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
