he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
