question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
