well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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