A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
love makes seman taste better
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
