I need to stop coming to work sober
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
