I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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