Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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