my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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