At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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