I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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